08
You know what? There’s something I really like about these 2. One is like Lady Gaga’s little sister and the other is a recovering sex addict, but I feel like they’re one of those unions that’s just so crazy they might work. I know there’s a 2% chance they’ll make it in Hollywood, but there seems to be a level of genuine feeling there that most famous couples lack. I’m pulling for you, Mr. and Mrs. Brand.
Spicy Nuggz
Seeing as how my parents were anything but food snobs and we spent a lot of time traveling, I grew up eating fast food on a fairly regular basis; and in my short 25 years of existence, mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of many new and experimental fast food menu additions. From the Arch Deluxe, to the McLobster, to KFC’s late Double Down - I’ve witnessed some bizarre things come and go out of popular fast food chains.
However, there is one menu heavyweight that has withstood the test of time; that has remained the frontrunner among both classic and contemporary items; that has survived on its pedestal without fear of modification or unnecessary revamping and has seen many of its peers fall by the wayside. This one product, that will still be around to weep for me when I leave God’s green earth has been, and always will be: Wendys mighty, spicy chicken nugget.
If there’s one thing I love after a long day at work night of drinking - it’s the spicy nugget. It’s been there for me through the good and the bad, through the drunk and the sober, through the hungry and the I’m-just-eating-because-I’m-bored-and-can’t-control-myself-within-1 mile-of-a-Wendys. Hot and loaded with peppercorn, amazing with a variety of condiments (none of which are good for you) - the spicy nugget’s savoriness is rivaled only by its simplicity, and has been a witness to many memorable nights of my life.
So spicy nuggets, this is my love letter to you. As the old adage says, “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.” Or as Wendys says, “If it’s not covered in peppercorn, cover it in peppercorn.”
LIKE
Ludacris Litter
Living on the other side of Route 17 certainly comes with its downsides. It’s not very quiet, nor is it easy to get to - and I understand it’s totally out of everyone’s way. However, what bothers me the most is the trash and litter that wash up on the shores of our little enclave over here. Now, I’m not some crazy hippie who lives off tofu and chains myself to trees, but it’s really out of control and makes me very sad that people have such little respect for this world we’re forced to share. In addition, I also think it makes people look terrible and classless. It’s become a huge peeve of mine over the years, and I really think litterers should be tarred and feathered…only instead of the feathers, we should use litter. Hot tar, covered in greasy Big Mac wrappers and broken glass.
Today, I was driving down Maple, about to make a right onto Spring, and I’m stopped behind a shiny, light blue BMW X3 (X5?). The first thing that caught my attention was that it looked like there was a small earthquake under the car and 5 heads thumping around inside. When I turned my radio down, I was met with the melodic tunes of Ludacris - and by “met with”, I mean my ears were bleeding. After sitting behind this car for about 30 seconds - staring at the RHS parking sticker and the typical white oval sticker that said JuNu in black letters (and hoping these kids wouldn’t tip this car over by sheer force) - I had a lovely mental image of 5 RHS students with brand new licenses, rocking out and enjoying their new motor vehicle independence.
Then it happens. The back, right window rolls down and flying out of it comes an empty Wendy’s cup and a bag. Plop. Just misses the sidewalk and lands in the street. Green light. Vroooooom - drives off at 70mph.
Here is an ironic scene. Privileged children of Ridgewood in their parents’ shiny car, throwing garbage on the streets of a town which (simply by living in it) raises them to a status which denotes a certain level of class.
Do these kids fling their feces also? What do they do with dirty dishes? Smash them on the ground? I can picture their rooms - the floors covered knee-high with dirty clothes which their parents spent too much money on at Abercrombie.
This is my biggest fear. Having spoiled, disgusting, lawless children with no respect for anything outside their BMW.
If anyone happens to come across that shiny blue X3 with the RHS sticker on the back and a license place that starts with YUA…give karma a helping hand and put the trash back where it belongs. On that car.
DISLIKE.
Even though I’m an ardent snow enthusiast - this is what I look like after 36+ hours indoors.
“Snowmageddon”
A term I truly dislike. Ever since the advent of “Bennifer”, the global populace has embraced these media-manufactured “Uni-names” with open arms. I couldn’t pull up CNN.com without seeing glaring headlines pertaining to “TomKat” or “Brangelina”, and I can’t even tell you how weary I became of reading about “Gyllenspoon”.
I get it, media outlets, I get it. People love celebrities. People also love compound words. Now you’ve fused them together and proven your ultimate cleverness! (Not to mention, you’ve saved yourself some layout space). And ok ok, I’ll admit - there have been some clever combinations out there. “Billary” certainly coaxed a chuckle out of me, and I loved “ScarJo” simply because no one knows how to spell her name correctly (“Does it end in ‘en, ‘an, or ‘on? I’m pretty sure there are 4 s’s in the middle…maybe 2 n’s? Who knows..”) Thanks for making it easier, People Magazine.
However, this portmanteaux phenomenon is slowly permeating the grown up’s table and it makes the U.S. look silly. “Here world, let us introduce you to “Obamacare!” Aren’t we so clever? We’re so witty, you’ll barely notice our sinking economy or all the “blaxploitation” in our country! Oh, you don’t know what blaxploitation is? Of course you don’t! BECAUSE IT’S A WORD WE MADE UP.”
And now, here is “Snowmageddon”. Or the “Snowpocalypse”. Or the “Snowicane”. Take your pick. The frantic chorus of status updates on Facebook resound with noticeably louder and more frequent panic as the “Snowmageddon” wagon rolls along picking up more and more networkers. These compounds have now planted themselves firmly in the English lexicon and are rapidly being twittered around the globe each day by the likes of MSNBC.com and amigos. So thank you, media, for legitimizing these illegitimate words and making the news more irritating for those of us who are looking out our windows, while listening to Chuck Scarborough in the background, and seeing what our ancestors would call - A SNOWSTORM. A very basic, dumping of crystalline water ice otherwise known as SNOW which commonly occurs in the WINTER, and has been occurring since the day you were born.
It’s times like these that I’m reminded of a quote from Shakespeare’s, Romeo and Juliet: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
That which we call snow, by any other name, will still force you to get up and shovel your driveway.
DISLIKE.
-CG
